I want to remember their little raspy voices and the way they mispronounce words “awdonge” “renember”
I want to remember cheek hugs and the soft melding of our faces while dancing around to “The Ants are Marching”, the love we share reaching down to the deepest part of my soul during these dances around our kitchen. I want to remember closing my eyes and breathing deep in the midst of each and every cheek hug, my attempt to stop time from marching on as those silly ants do.
I want to remember their chubby little hands and the feel of their squishiness as we hold hands. I want to remember the way I rub my thumb over the top of their little hands and the feeling of comfort it brings. It is a sense of peace and contentment so deep that all else melts away.
I want to remember our cuddle sessions. Forehead to forehead, nose to nose, arms and legs tightly wrapped around each other, breathing together, deep rhythmic breaths to calm our minds and bodies.
I want to remember how their little fingers wrapped so tightly around my thumb as they fell asleep in my arms. Rocking in the chair of the nurseries, singing to them long after they’d dozed off, my heart beating in sync with theirs.
I want to remember the way they look at me. Its more of a gaze really. A gaze of adoration. One I’ve never seen before, and likely will not see again once they’ve grown. That gaze reminding me who I am, I am their MOM.
I want to remember “The Bear Snores On” and “Pajama Time” and “Officer Buckle” and of course “Guess How Much I Love You”. Boys, I love you more than the moon, more than the stars, more than even Mars.
I want to remember our nighttime prayers “Dear baby Jesus, thank you for bringing us all together. We love you baby Jesus. Please “pwotect” us and keep us from harm. I want to remember leaving their rooms after bedtime, “I love you, God bless you, goodnight, sweet dreams.”
I want to remember The Backyardigans, Word Girl, Chuggington, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Angry Birds, and yes I even want to remember Minecraft. All of these favorites of theirs as they have transitioned from toddlerdome to childhood.
I want to remember “Summer Songs”. Shut up and Dance with Me, Firework, All About that Bass, and Drag Me Down, are some of the songs on our Summer Soundtrack. The playlist we listen to as we swim in our pool. The playlist that we add to every summer. These songs that, when heard in the car, even in the dead of winter, must be blasted with the windows down so we can scream along.
I want to remember hiding in the hallway eavesdropping on them as they chat about this and that. Their nighttime conversations always leading to giggles that fill the house with joyful noise.
I want them to remember. If not the details, I want them to remember the safe feeling of unconditional love, and devotion their Dad and I have for them.
All of this and so much more…I want to be remembered.